


I'll always be there for you

by Meme_And_Yaoi_Trash



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Apocalypse, Hell, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-04-03
Packaged: 2018-05-29 21:27:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6394489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meme_And_Yaoi_Trash/pseuds/Meme_And_Yaoi_Trash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel volunteers to save Dean Winchester from hell. He walks through the gates of hell, accompanied by six other angels.<br/>Soon it is clear that this mission might be a lot harder than first imagined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A trip to hell

“You all know why we gathered here today. We have to talk about the coming events.” Michael stood up and leaned onto the table with his hands.  
When nobody said anything, he continued.

“This may be our most important mission in several centuries and we have to be sure that it will go a hundred percent right.” 

A few angels nodded, most remained silent. One angel lifted his arm and looked shyly up to Michael. With a shaky but determined voice, he said:  
“You know I respect you, I do, but why are we even talking about this? You are right, of course, it is very serious and very important. Why do we lose so much time? Let's get to work!” 

Michael stared at the angel. He wasn't used to angels talking back to him and definitely not in this tone. I tried to save the situation before there would be a fight in this room. 

“Of course you are right, Nathaniel, you are both right. We are not supposed to lose more time, it may already be too late. But-”, I added before somebody could interrupt me.  
“But I don't think it would be wise if we would just run through the gates of hell without a plan! We waited several weeks now, knowing what would be happening. If we were allowed to wait fur such a long time, we surely will be allowed to wait another hour to form a plan and a group with enough experience and courage.” 

I waited. Michael looked me straight into the eye and nodded.  
“Castiel is right. We have to form a group of, I say at least five, maybe more, angels brave enough to master this task.” 

Five angels volunteered next to immediately. I swallowed and looked out of the window, hoping to be able to get out of this room as fast as possible. I only wanted to continue watching humanity, like I did for over two thousand years already. It never got boring. Humanity changed so much and there were so many things to experience and to learn that we angels would never even see in our life… Sometimes I wished I was just another human.  
Ezekiel, another angel sitting on my left side, lifted his arm.  
“I wish to volunteer.”, he said and smiled to Michael, who approvingly wrote down his name.  
“And I wish to suggest another angel who might be fitting for this task.”  
From the corner of my eyes, I saw how his fingers pointed at me. I closed my eyes. Please, no. Don't make me do this, I don't want to fight any more… Apparently, some angels weren't approving of this either. They shook their hands and whispered furiously to each other.  
“Castiel fought in many, many wars now and he never gave up. He watched humanity, so he knows how they act and how to act around them and we all know he would give up everything he has for heaven.”  
Of course he was right. I indeed gave up everything for my family and if it meant to fight in wars, I obviously did that but this didn't mean I enjoyed it. Please, I didn't want to fight, I never did and I didn't want to now.  
“Castiel? Do you volunteer?” Eyes still closed and hating myself, I nodded. “I do.”

“Seven angels have to be enough, then.”, Michael nodded. “We'll give you time to form a plan and to prepare yourself, but hurry up. Every minute we lose is a minute we might be too late.”  
Every angel who didn't volunteer vanished without another word.  
Here I was now, surrounded by six other angels and only a short time before visiting hell. What was wrong with me? 

Ezekiel was announced as our leader, as he had the most experience in fighting.  
“You five, go on! We will catch up in a minute!”. He held my arm so that I couldn't follow them.  
“I want to talk to you, Castiel. Alone.” We waited until every angel disappeared.  
“What's wrong?”, I asked.  
“We have to talk about the task. Honestly, I don't trust any of these angels.”  
My eyebrows contracted.  
“These angels? They may be trained but they hardly fought in any big battle like I did, like you did! I bet the biggest thing they ever participated in was a small fight between to countries on earth. They haven't got a lot of experience.”  
“And?”, I asked. What was he talking about?  
“That doesn't mean I don't trust them, I do. I just don't think they will last very long.”  
“You think they will die?”  
“I think that it is not likely that every seven of us survive and if somebody dies, it will be those who don't know what is going on.”  
I swallowed. 

“I want you, to always stay right behind me. Even if we get attacked, we will g on and finish this mission while the others are fighting. Promise me, Castiel, that you will continue walking, even if you see angels die right in front of you. Promise me, that you will be the one who finishes this task.”  
I stared at my brother like he was insane.  
“I don't trust them like I trust you, Castiel. I know you, we fought together side-by-side. I know what you can do best and what you can't do.”  
“Well, then you know that I can't just ignore my family getting killed!”  
“Castiel. Please, promise me.”  
“Please, don't make me do this… Please, brother...”  
Ezekiel just looked me in the eye, his eyes big and puppy-like.  
I bit my tongue. “Fine, I'll do it. I hate myself for doing this, but yes. I promise.”  
Ezekiel began smiling, thanked me and we both followed our brothers and sisters to earth, where we entered an old warehouse.  
The door was not easy to open, for a human it would have been impossible. 

Everything changed once we closed the door behind us. It didn't look like an old, rusty warehouse with broken windows but instead, there were walls out of stone with torches on them.  
In front of us was a long, dark staircase, covered in dust. Without saying anything, we moved on and began descending the stairs.  
It became darker and colder with every step I took and it took only a short time for me, to hear screams and shouts created by tortured souls.  
My whole body was covered with goosebumps. After a short glance at each other, and a view of silent understanding, all seven of us drew our angel blades.  
Luckily you couldn't only kill angels with those but demons, too.  
Once we reached the bottom of the staircases, the screams seemed to be only feet away from us and they so loud and shrill that there seemed to be a bucket of ice flooding down my back. Never before have I felt such pity for humans as I did now… How could anybody possibly sell his soul, knowing he would end up here? Only for ten years of luck…  
Then again, not everybody even got ten full years. 

Narrow corridors were splitting from the main path now, on each side of us were doors, wooden and stained with blood, leading into chambers where the souls were tortured.  
No five minutes had passed when we heard demons approaching, so two of us stopped and waited for them to arrive while the rest of us continued walking.  
They would catch up, that is to say, as long as they lived long enough to do so.  
It was unlikely quiet and we were able to proceed without further interruptions. We were walking for half an hour, maybe more, without anything crossing our path. 

Suddenly, the doors to our right flew open and four demons stepped outside, obviously stopping torturing these souls to get one of us angels.  
Well, it was not everyday that angels were paying a visit to hell. This was our agreement; demons stayed out of heaven, angels out of hell, so obviously our task was really important or we would never do such a stupid thing.  
“What are you doing here?”, growled one of the demons.  
“We have our missions, you have yours. Stay out of our business and we will ignore you!”, demanded an angel who I didn't know.  
“You are in hell. This is our territory, not yours. So get out of here!”, the demons came closer.  
“We won't. We are here to finish a very important mission and you certainly won't stop us from doing so.”, Ezekiel threatened but the demons didn't seem very impressed.  
“Get out.”  
“Make us.”, I grinned darkly.  
They weren't so stupid to take it up with five armed angels, were they? They were. 

As the four demons came dangerously close to us, three angels ran forwards. A fight began, angels and demons were stabbing each other and screaming to get out of our way. It was terrible.  
One angel sank to the ground, his eyes empty and dead. I got my revenge and stabbed one of the demons right in the chest. Now there were only four of us angels left… We had to be more careful.  
Another two demons and one angel died before the last black-eyed jerk vanished and we could continue walking again.  
Four angels had been killed and we hadn't even made it to the human we were supposed to save. We weren't speaking, each of us was too deep in their own thoughts.  
I wanted revenge, nobody simply killed my brothers and sisters. 

The only good things I was seeing right now, was after we turned around a corner, I saw a heavy, wooden door at the end of the long corridor. It seemed to be drained in both, fresh and dried blood and somehow, I knew immediately that this was where we had to go.  
“This is it. He must be right behind that door...”, I whispered and Ezekiel nodded, showing that he agreed.  
“I'll make sure nobody will interrupt you, while you both get the Winchester out of here. We'll meet again at the gates.”, whispered the other angel and before I could say anything, he had vanished in one of the narrow paths leading away from our goal.  
Ezekiel motioned me to follow him and together, we got closer to the door. Nothing was stopping us. A bit closer, a bit closer… If I just reached out my hand, I could touch the door handle. 

“You go inside there.”, said Ezekiel.  
“What?”  
“Go one, save the Winchester. I'll watch out.”, he motioned down at the bloody blade he was holding in his right hand.  
“You'll get the Winchester and bring him out again. Then we'll be able to get out of the gates and bring him back to his brother where he belongs.”  
I nodded. “Be careful.”  
“If I shouldn't be here any more, because some demon came and killed me, you have to continue!”  
I nodded. Didn't like the idea but I understood. It had to be done.  
“I know.”, I mumbled and went inside the chamber, leaving my brother standing alone in the corridor.  
The screams died down immediately and even the light got a little big brighter.  
I found myself in a rather large chamber, there were no windows but several torches were hanging from the walls, light shining down at two people. A man, I thought him to be 29 or something, and a middle-aged woman.

The woman was hanging on the wall, chains around her wrists and ankles. Her dark hair was dirty and sticky from blood and she had wounds all over her body.  
I noticed that she wasn't screaming; silent tears were running down her face, she was too weak to bring out more than a groan and a hiss.  
The man on the other hand wasn't chained. He looked at least just as bad as the woman, but he was free from chains and he could move where ever he wanted – as long as it was inside this chamber, I thought. He held a silver knife in his hand, only seconds from ramming it inside the woman's arm. 

My legs were transporting me forwards and without knowing what I did, my right hand laid down on the man's left shoulder and I whispered:  
“You are Dean Winchester.”  
It was no question, rather a statement. We both knew that I was right. I had found our goal, I was only a short distance away from finishing our mission.  
The man turned around, eyes widened in shock. They were beautiful but something seemed wrong about them. When they would normally shine in a wonderful green, they seemed empty. They seemed dead.  
I swallowed. 

Again, I felt raging pity inside my stomach for those humans, for all humans who had to stay in this terrible place.  
“I will get you out of here.”, I said reassuringly. Two of my fingers touched his forehead and the man fell unconscious into my open arms. I caught him and moved him so that my left arm embraced him and my right hand was still able to hold my blade. Just in case something indeed had happened to Ezekiel and I had to fight now…  
My left hand gripped his body tight so that there was no possibility of accidentally letting him go. I felt something warm flowing through my hand, but I ignored it as my first priority was to get Dean Winchester and myself out of here, safely and without fighting.

I didn't even look at the woman when Dean and I left the chamber and the wooden door fell shut behind me. There were two bodies lying on the floor in front of me but there was no trace of Ezekiel. He at least wasn't one of the dead bodies next to my feet… 

The thought of shouting my brother's name crossed my mind but I decided against that. It would be too dangerous, I might attract other demons. Instead, I began to walk to the gates, ready to leave this horrible place. Then I would bring Dean Winchester to his brother and come back to look after my remaining brother. If it wasn't already too late.  
I walked and walked, saw two other dead bodies and noticed that these were from the angels from our mission, walked past them and looked around every corner. No demon crossed my path, at least no one alive.  
I saw the staircases in front of me, when somebody suddenly screamed my name. Ezekiel was running in my direction, his left arm pressed to his side and his face and upper body were bloody. 

“Ezekiel!”, I shouted back, being relieved to see him alive.  
“Is that Dean Winchester? Did you get him?”, he asked and came to a halt when he reached the place where I waited for him.  
He leaned onto one of the stone walls to catch breath again.  
“Yes, it is him. Ezekiel, we were too late. It has already happened.”  
Ezekiel just closed his eyes.  
“He was torturing that woman, he had a knife in his hand, ready to stab her again and again!”  
“At least you got him… We will worry about that later, ok? Just let us get out of here.”  
I nodded. He was right. I was about to move again, when my brother put a hand around Deans arm and stopped us from going away.  
“Did you do that?”, he asked and pointed at the body in my arms. I didn't know what he was talking about at first, but soon I saw what he meant.

On Deans upper left arm was a print, a mark just like my hand. That must have been this feeling in my hand.  
“I guess. My first priority was to get out here safely, I didn't want to risk losing him.”  
Ezekiel nodded and said: “I understand. Well at least you're both alive.”  
He put his hand away and we climbed the stairs. It was hard and exhausting, even more so because of the man inside my arms, but we managed to pass the gates of hell without another glimpse of a demon.  
Once being able to breath clean air again, Ezekiel and I hugged. 

“We did it! I'll go and tell Michael that the Winchester is saved. Would you bring him to his brother?”  
“Of course.”  
“And remember, he is not supposed to know about our existence or our future plans or our reasons why we saved him. It's important, Castiel.”  
I only nodded but didn't look my brother in the eye.  
“I know.”, I answered and vanished without another word. 

When my vision cleared again I found myself and the still unconscious Dean sitting on bright green grass. One look told me that we were in my favourite heaven, the heaven of a middle-aged man who died in nineteen-something. The man stood a few feet away and watched a butterfly flying past him. Poor man had no idea that an angel and a man who was just rescued out of hell had appeared next to him. He simply watched the butterfly and smiled. 

Now that I could see Dean Winchester in daylight I noticed how hurt he really was. He had stab wounds, scratches and bruises all over his blood stained body.  
My right hand touched the man's forehead where an especially long scratch was decorating his face and a second later you couldn't see anything that shouldn't be there.  
Only freckles were left on the white skin.  
I continued doing this procedure all over his face until you couldn't see one scratch or scar or wound or anything that would distract somebody from those green eyes surrounded by freckles. The arms and upper body were healed after his face.  
I took my time concentrating on doing everything right, I didn't want to put the man under more pain than he already had to endure. A smile crossed my face when I finished with those body parts, too.  
After his body was free of burns and wounds again, I took a deep breath, pressed my eyes together and sank my hand onto the man's forehead another time.  
Now I would have to heal the man's mind, making sure he wouldn't get traumatized.  
Everything was black for half a second until something like a film started to play in front of my inner eye. 

 

A small boy, not older than three, laughing on the arms of his father while his pregnant mother stood next to them, one hand on the child's back and the other on her round stomach.  
The scene changed and there were two boys now, one was around four years old and the other still an infant. The parents smiled down at their children, they looked happy and maybe a bit exhausted. 

The child picked up his younger brother and ran. I felt how scared Dean was when this had happened, felt that he hadn't fully understood what was going on, but surely even the four year old boy had noticed that this heat and the fire wasn't a good thing. He ran outside into the clean air of the night, watching the burning house with fear. Would his father return? And his mother?  
I saw how his father ran towards them, picking both his sons up and calling the firemen. 

A few years later, a boy not older than nine, playing with his five year old brother, caring for him and making him food. I saw the younger brother asking himself why his brother always kept a knife under his pillow and why they were alone so often. Where was their father, why hadn't they got a mother, like the other kids in the kindergarten?

The next memory played inside my head. The same boy, now eleven or twelve years old, asking his older brother why they were moving around so much and why they had to travel all over the country. Asking what the job of their father was, how their mother died. He never got an honest answer and I felt guilt and pity in those scenes. Dean didn't like lying to his brother but I saw how he did this to save him. To let him be a child for just a little bit longer.  
I also saw how his father didn't pay him, both kids, really, much attention. How he was always somewhere else, working but never at home and caring for his children. The older boy always made sure his brother was able to eat something, had a roof over his head and a warm blanket to sleep under even if that meant that Dean wouldn't eat something for days in a row, even if that meant that he would nearly freeze during cold winters. Again, I felt so much admiration and pity for this man, how much he did for his family and how they only noticed few things of what he actually sacrificed for them. 

Several more memories crossed my mind, some were from early hunts of Dean, how proud he was when he made his first gun out of wood, how he killed the first werewolf in his life and how proud he looked at his father, who simply ignored his son, not saying anything like “Well done” or even a “thanks”, when Dean killed a vampire who was shortly from attacking his father.  
This sad, disappointed face of teenager Dean changed in complete happiness when he returned from his hunt to his small brother who adored him. 

Another memory, several years after the last one. Dean, now something around twenty-five years old, visiting his brother in Stanford, telling him about their disappeared father. I saw how the younger boy, Sam, really didn't seem to interested in searching for his father and having to leave his girlfriend but after he saw this pleading look in Dean's eyes, he said yes.  
The brothers took off, Sam's girlfriend was killed and they continued searching for monsters.  
Suddenly the memories seemed to speed up, every memory was only a short impression and most of them were about hunting, monsters and research about monsters.  
I felt how with every passing memory, the feeling of guilt and sadness and pain grew bigger. 

The last memory that was playing inside my head was how Dean, his brother and Lilith stood in a dark living-room and in the next second, Dean was on the ground, eyes not moving any more and his organs all over the floor. It was covered in blood and right in the middle of it was Sam, holding the corpse of his brother in his arms with silent tears running down his face.  
All the time did Dean care for his brother, he held him in his arms at night when Sam was little, protecting him and making sure he had no nightmares.  
Now the tables had turned and Sam held Dean in his arms, wishing that he had only a nightmare. 

 

Everything went black again.  
I cut out every memory from hell so that when Dean soon would return to earth, he wouldn't remember anything from the perdition. 

I opened my eyes and watched a fat bumblebee flying from one bush to another, leafs slowly falling onto the ground and a soft wind blew through the grass.  
“Beautiful, isn't it?”, I asked and smiled at Dean next to me in the grass.  
He woke up with a start and stared at me.  
“Who are you? Where am I? How did-”, he asked, his eyes roaming over me and his hands formed into fists.  
“Relax. I'm not going to hurt you.”, I said and looked him in the eye, not saying anything else for a while.  
“Who are you?”, he repeated.  
“My name is Castiel. I am an angel of the lord and you are currently in heaven.”, I explained while smiling.  
He was calmer than I had expected him to be.  
“You're an angel and I'm in heaven. Sorry but I pictured the paradise a bit different. And where are your white, fluffy wings, Clarence?”  
“I'm Castiel.”, I repeated, eyebrows narrowing. “There are several thousand heavens, I brought you to my favourite of them all. Every soul here has his own heaven and for every soul does it look different; whatever makes a person the happiest.”

Dean slowly nodded. “Yeah Sure.” His fists loosened again.  
“You can't see my wings. In fact, close to no human can see angel wings, they are too sensitive for your senses. You have to have faith, Dean.”

“Wait a second. Why am I in heaven? I only remember getting chewed on by that damn hellhound?”  
I nodded.  
“You died, Dean.”  
“Yeah, I noticed. You know when a dark creature from hell rips you apart, you can basically feel your last heartbeat.”  
“And you went to hell. You were down there for four months.”  
“Four months? Only four? Feels like an eternity...”  
I looked him in the eye and felt pitiful.  
“Time changes when staying in hell. It were four months on earth but in hell it seems similar to forty years.”, I explained. I really felt sorry for him, staying in hell for such a long time… 

I couldn't imagine what pain the man had been set through. Well I could imagine, but I was an angel, so… Humans wouldn't be able to even think about that kind of pain.  
It would rip them apart. 

“And then you saved me from hell?”, asked Dean after swallowing hard.  
I nodded.  
“Five angels died on this mission. It was very, very important to get you out of there safe.”  
Dean stared at me, unbelieving.  
“How could it be so important to safe me? I mean from everybody down there, why exactly me? What did I do that makes me more important than these souls?”  
I shook my head. Couldn't explain it to him, wasn't allowed to. 

“You can relax a bit and then I'll bring you back to your brother. Only if you want that, of course.”  
Dean smiled and nodded. He laid back in the grass and looked into the cloudless sky.  
“And you really can't tell me why this mission was so important?”  
I remained silent.  
“Can't or don't want to?”, he asked, understanding the silence between us.  
“I am not supposed to tell you because-...”, my voice trailed away.  
“But I am a big part of this, I deserve to know what all that is about!”  
I nodded. He was right, he did. Another reason why I felt so bad for him.  
“I know that.”  
Dean forced me to look into his eyes and I noticed -to my misfortune- that he made these puppy-eyes that you just couldn't resist. 

“Dean, I-…”, I began but stopped again. I hesitated. “If any other angel finds out that I told you about this I'm dead!”, I warned him.  
Dean sat up again and smirked. “I won't tell them, don't worry.”

I thought about explaining to him that angels didn't work like that and that they could “overhear” conversations and informations without getting told about them but then I thought otherwise. Important things first. 

“First of all you need to know that we angels are not fluffy, winged creatures sitting on clouds and playing harps, like humans believe. We are soldiers, cold-hearted and merciless.  
I watched humanity for thousand years now, I adopted some of their traits but there are by far worse angels out there.  
We have weapons that could destroy half of your planet in less than a second, weapons that could kill any living creature on earth in the most terrible way heaven can imagine.”

Dean swallowed and stared at me. He definitely had angels imagined a bit different. I couldn't blame him, saying it like that sounded a bit harsh. 

“We haven't interfered in humanity's wars for a very, very long time now. There were always some of us on earth, watching the humans but we never did anything else than watching you. Why do you think are we on earth again, visible for you, after thousand years without being seen by anybody?”, I asked.

“I don't think it is because you want to enjoy the sunsets.”, he mumbled and I nodded.  
“We are down there again because dark times are ahead of us. Of us, of the whole world and right in the middle of this storm – are you and your brother. And because I told you about that probably me, too.”, the last thing I said was rather to me than to him.  
What was I doing here? I risked being killed by my family just to warn the human about something that was inescapable. I shook my head. What kind of an angel had I become… 

“You are saying that you saved me from hell because I have to be alive for the world to end?”  
“It sounds so simply if you say it like that, Dean.”, I murmured and turned my head away.  
“You and your brother will do something with great consequences. I don't know what exactly that is, the angels aren't talking much to me any more. From what I heard, the prophecy says that you and your brother will start the apocalypse.”

“What, you mean we're gonna free the devil?”, he asked and I looked him in the eye, pitiful and sad.  
“I wish I could tell you differently. The world will not end because of this. Many humans are going to die and those who survive will be put in wars and slavery, if Lucifer should win. We, the angels, are trying to prevent Lucifer from getting free but we need your help.”

We both were quiet for a rather long time.  
“Sounds like an exciting next year.”, said Dean and clapped in his hands. “There is no way out?”  
I shook my head. “I'm sorry.”  
“And you have no idea how we could stop Satan from escaping?”, he looked at me pleadingly.  
“The angels aren't talking much to me any more, Dean. They tell me close to nothing. Besides, I think some, few but some, angels might want Lucifer to break free. He is our brother after all.”  
“Lucifer is… Yeah sure, but that is no reason to start the apocalypse, right?”  
“There are angels thinking differently about that. You know, many angels don't care about humanity. You are just a sort of monkeys to them.”

“Ah nice to know that the people who are supposed to help you save the world secretly think you're nothing more than a dirty animal.”, he said bitterly and threw a rock aside.  
I hesitated.  
“You know, I don't think so. I was on earth for such a long time now and I am amazed by every little thing you are doing. All these feelings you are living with… An angel never experiences happiness or sadness, fear and pain. Love, loss and braveness. We only feel steady. We finish our mission and then we wait until we get another one. The mission is our first priority.  
Nothing, not even family, comes before that.”, I explained bitterly. “Sometimes, I wish I would be human; just another fish in the sea.” 

Dean tapped me on the shoulder.  
“Man, I always thought angels were happy. I imagined them being happy as they lived in the paradise, I thought they were peaceful but now when you explain it, it sounds terrible...”  
“Yes, it is really...”, I went quiet, heard whispers and footsteps slowly getting into our direction. 

“What's wrong? What is going on? Castiel?”, Dean asked when seeing my alarmed face.  
“You have to go. Angels are coming nearer, if they see you here in heaven… You are not supposed to know about our plans, our life, even our whole existence. I'm sorry, Dean...”  
“What are you-” 

I touched his forehead another time, his eyes went dreamy and he vanished. I had moved him somewhere back to earth. I wasn't sure where exactly but anywhere would be better than here, now that more angels were approaching us. 

*Dean's POV*

My eyes flew open. Black. Everything was dark, I couldn't see a damn thing. Also I was lying on my back.  
Panic rose inside of me, when I noticed that all around me was wood and that I hadn't got much air to breath.  
My fists started punching the wood above my head. I heard a knack and the next second, dirt flew into my face, eyes and mouth. What I thought was dirt seemed in fact to be earth.  
Something inside my brain made click and I remembered. At least something.  
I got killed by that damn hellhound sent by Lilith and now… Now I was apparently lying in my own grave. But why was I alive?

I continued digging my way up to the surface.  
My arms broke free, followed by my head, upper body and lastly my feet. The clean air filled my lungs again and I could breath freely again, relieved to see that I had survived my own grave. What was going on here? 

I started walking, the hot summer sun burning on my neck.  
The only thing on my mind was to find something to eat and to drink. No matter what.  
And so I walked, oblivious to the fact that soon I would be fighting against the devil, oblivious to the things my brother did in secret with this dirty demon, oblivious to the fact that Castiel was punished in heaven right now because he told me that.

Oblivious to Castiel's entire existence.


	2. They meet again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean visits Pamela to get more information about who saved him from hell.  
> Suddenly, an angel appears and tries to kill him because he starts to remember his conversation with Castiel when they were in heaven.  
> Castiel appears and stops his brother.  
> He promises that from now on, he and Dean will meet more often (no matter if in positive or negative context)

*Deans POV*  
The only thing on my mind was to get something to eat and to drink. I had to walk for an hour, probably more, to find an empty gas station.  
There was nobody around here and the building was empty. I couldn't see any cameras, so I covered my hand with my jacket and shattered the glass door.  
The cold water was working wonders. I felt better immediately and I got more power and more hope.  
I had to find Sam and Bobby but I somehow got the feeling that this wouldn't be as easy as I hoped.  
I didn't even know where I was, how should I know where they were?  
'Bobby certainly is in Sioux Falls', I thought and I could only hope that Sam would be with him. 

I had been right. After I had found a car and drove to Bobby's house, I found him in the middle of loads of bottles of whiskey.  
He didn't look very good and I was sure he was still pretty smashed when I arrived at his house. Sam, to my misfortune, was not there. 

“Where's Sam?”, I asked Bobby.  
“Dunno. I called him like a dozen times. Doesn't answer.”

My eyebrows narrowed. What was Sam doing that he didn't want to be found? 

I shook my hand.  
“Sam, you idiot.”, I mumbled and sat down at a chair next to Bobby.  
He looked confused.  
“He must've made some bloody deal with some damn demon!”, I explained, surprised Bobby hadn't thought of it earlier.  
Normally he was the paranoid one of us. Then again, I remembered, he probably indeed was a bit smashed. 

“You think so?”  
“Of course! Why else would some demon lift me from hell?”  
“Not because of their nice hearts...”, Bobby agreed.  
“We gotta find him.”

I stood up and walked to the phone, called the provider of Sam's phone contract and got the GPS activated. 

“And?”, Bobby asked.  
“Illinois.”  
Bobby scratched his beard. His arm fell down to his side when he heard that.  
“That's where we buried you!”, he mentioned.  
“And that's where I woke up.”  
We exchanged a silent look of discomfort and ran out of the house, driving as fast as we could to my brother.

We found Sam. He was shocked to see me alive -although I was surprised, too, when digging myself out of my own grave, so I couldn't blame him- but I think he was also really glad. 

“So, what did you do while I was away?”, I asked, taking another sip of my beer.  
“I was hunting demons.”  
“Wanted to make a deal, like I did?”  
Sam looked at me and turned his head away.  
“At first, yes. But -”  
Before he could end his sentence, I had grabbed him at his shirt and pressed him against a wall.  
“You shouldn't have done that! How long have you got, huh? A year or were they more grateful?” I was furious.  
I had done everything to spare him, to make sure he could live a good life. If that means that I had to go to hell, I would!  
I didn't do this for him to-  
“I didn't bring you back, Dean!” Sam interrupted my thoughts.  
“Hell, I wished I did! But I didn't, I couldn't!” His eyes were full of tears.  
“You didn't?”  
“I tried!”, he told us, sitting down on the bed again. “I tried everything but no damn demon wanted to make a deal! They all just left or died when I wanted to talk to them!”  
“It's okay, Sam. I trust you...”  
Sam nodded.  
“I'm sorry, Dean.”  
“It's just… If it wasn't you who saved me…”, I began and Bobby finished my sentence;  
“Then who was it?”

Bobby had called a friend of his, a so called Pamela Barnes, who apparently knew some stuff about ghosts and spirits.  
“It's about a four hours drive away from here.”, he told us the next day.  
“Is this really necessary?”, I moaned. I had never met or talked to Pamela and now I should trust her with my life?  
No thanks.  
“It is if you want information.”, Bobby answered. “I know, you may not like it but Pamela is an old friend of mine! If I would trust anybody with this, it would be her.”  
I glanced at Sam and winked.  
“She knows her stuff, Dean. I'm sure that she is the only one who can help you right now. Or you just happen to know another human with supernatural powers who happens to live around the corner and of course, you just forgot to tell us about her?”, Bobby asked sarcastically.  
I bit my bottom lip. He was right, of course. 

Bobby left the room and entered his car, waiting for Sam and me to do the same.  
I opened the front door, turned around to Sam and said:  
“You know, it weren't only four months...”  
My voice was shaking and I knew how it got quieter with every word I said.  
“Up here, it were four months, yes.”, I nodded as I saw how Sam wanted to argue.  
“But time's working different down there. These four months are equal to forty years in hell.”, I whispered and left the room. Sam was behind me.  
“Dean, I-”  
“It's okay. Lets go, I want to meet this damn demon and give him a present.”, I smiled and showed Sam the small knife inside my jacket. 

We reached Pamela's house in the early hours of the next morning.  
Her house was white and normal from the outside -nothing where you would expect that the woman who lived there was a specialist in ghosts and demons and stuff-.  
Then, we entered the house and everything changed.  
The living-room was dark, the only light was shining from the five candles on the table. The curtains were drawn together so that nobody could spy on us and the door was locked. 

We sat down on the small, round table and hold our hands, eyes closed in concentration.  
I closed my eyes, too, even if I had no idea what exactly I should be concentrating myself on.  
Sam seemed to be thinking similar things because I caught him how he opened one eye to look at me in confusion.  
Pamela laid her hand on my shoulder where I wore this mark since I was alive again.  
It looked like a human hand, only that most of the time when another human touched your shoulder, he doesn't leave brands like this. 

The woman started to speak to whoever he was, at first there wasn't much to understand.  
Then, suddenly, her voice got louder and more determined. 

“Castiel! Castiel!”, she repeated. “Sorry, you don't scare me, Castiel!”  
My eyes opened and I found myself staring at her.  
“Castiel?”, I asked in desperation.  
“His name!”, Pamela hisses and went back to her conversation with this Castiel.

I was sure that I had never met anybody with the name 'Castiel' on earth before.  
And still, something ringed inside my brain when I heard the name. My eyes closed again, trying to remember anything at all. With no succeed.  
I tried to remember his face but all I saw in front of my inner eye was a blurry shadow, whispering the name.  
“Castiel...”  
The shadow repeated itself. I heard it say the name, again and again and again.  
“Castiel...”  
The voices got louder and louder, until-

I heard a high pitched scream. It took several seconds for me to register that the scream hadn't been inside my head, but that it had come from Pamela.  
The woman sank to her knees and began to whimper, the shaking living-room slowly getting to a halt again.  
“Pamela!”, we all shouted and sped forwards. 

She didn't say anything. Her fingers wandered towards her face.  
It was dirty and blood was flooding down her cheeks.  
My whole body covered in goosebumps when I noticed how her grey eyes weren't grey any more. I couldn't see eyes at all.  
Where her eyes normally would be were only two black, bloody wholes. 

“I can't see anything… I can't see...”, Pamela whimpered.  
“Call an ambulance!”, Bobby shouted and Sam hurried out of the room to do as he was told.  
“What the hell...”, I whispered and looked up to Bobby who sat opposite me.  
“Whatever pulled your ass out of there, it's dangerous.”, Bobby mumbled and looked down at Pamela again.  
I swallowed.  
“Castiel...”, the voice inside my head still whispered.  
It was quiet and in a dark corner of my brain. I could only hear it when nobody was talking, but it was there.  
I knew this damn name but from where?

It was the same night. Sam and I had booked a room in a shabby hotel, like we always did when we had a case. It was half past eleven and I was sleeping in my bed.  
The quiet sound of a door being closed made my eyes fly open.  
I looked around. All lamps were turned off and the other bed, where Sam should normally sleep in, was empty.  
Sam was sneaking out, huh? My thoughts wandered off again. What could he possibly be doing where he didn't want me knowing about?  
Several things appeared in front of my eye and I swore, if it was one of those dirty things I was thinking of, then I was quite thankful my brother left me out of them.  
I shook my head and calmed myself. I would confront Sam about this after I had finished what I was about to do. 

Anger brewed inside me when I saw that the Impala was gone. He sneaked out? Okay. He stole my baby? This meant war.  
I bite my lip. There was still Bobby's car…  
A groan escaped my lips.  
This couldn't be really happening right now, could it?  
It could.  
I found myself standing in the parking lot and breaking into Bobby's car, making sure nobody saw me. 

I started the motor and drove away, following the main road out of the city.  
The Impala only stopped when I drove onto a parking lot in the next city.  
I was in a shabby and dark corner of the town, there were several casinos shining with bright neon light and drunk people stumbling out of the buildings.  
Between the shadows of dark alleys were a small group of people, addicts I guessed, exchanging money for commodity. 

I shook my head and left the car, a bad feeling inside my stomach. I once knocked on Baby's roof.  
“I'll be back soon...”, I whispered.  
These addicts shouldn't even try to touch my car. It would be the last thing they ever did.  
I walked across the street and knocked three times on one of the heavy doors. 

“Winchester?”, a harsh voice asked.  
I nodded. Oh wait, he couldn't see me, could he?  
“Yes.”, I answered and the door opened.  
A small man stood in front of me, he was in his mid- fifties, his hair and beard consisted of white hairs and he had lost one tooth.  
“Are you Joshua?”, I asked.  
The man smiled and nodded.  
“And you are Dean Winchester. Last time I saw you, you were only a kid!”  
We shook hands.  
“You knew my father?”, I asked, doubting that Dad ever had met this man in person.  
“Oh yes, he -like you- visited me. Thought I could help him with this ghost only a few streets away from here.  
Of course this was when first discovered hunting and monsters.”, he laughed. “Come in, come in!”

I entered the house and followed him in a small room.  
“What do you want from me, exactly?”, he asked when we had settled down on chairs.  
“You surely have heard that I was in hell for the last four months-”, I began.  
The man's face got white and his eyes grew wider but he nodded.  
“I have heard rumours… I never believed them, of course. It is true?”  
“Yes. I woke up in my own grave and I wondered if you would be able to… I don't know, to enter my head and search for more information?”, I asked, my voice got quieter with every word.  
“You don't remember anything? Not how you were saved, not by who and not-”  
“Nothing.”

My stomach twisted in excitement. Of course I didn't trust this man, I never trusted anybody much, but if he would be able to find more information… Maybe we would be able to find out what had helped me in the first place?  
I thought it had been a demon, but demons wouldn't burn Pamela's eyes out. A demon killed, if he had the chance to, or possessed the victim, but that…

“Well, I don't promise anything but I'll see if I can help you.”, Joshua said and motioned me to lay down on the couch.  
I did as he told me and closed my eyes. 

“I will put you into a trance, it will feel like sleeping, don't worry. Then I will ask you simple questions and see if there are certain things inside your head that you can't remember because you are not supposed to remember.”  
“What?”, I asked. What was he talking about?  
“You can end it at any given time, whenever you want. A person can only be hypnotized if it wants to be, if you don't want to then we won't even have to try.”  
I nodded. 

“Listen to me, Dean. Ignore everything else. Just… focus… on my voice...”, he whispered inside my ear.  
At first I thought how stupid this was and how ridiculous I must look right now.  
Then something happened.  
I didn't know what or how but suddenly I felt a lot more relaxed than I felt for months. Weight seemed to lift from my shoulders. My thoughts that were so loud they kept me up at night, seemed to quiet down until I couldn't hear them any more. 

Joshua had been right. It indeed was just like sleeping.  
When I opened my eyes again I found myself on the wooden floor.  
“What happened?”, I yelled.  
No answer.  
“Joshua?”

The man was sitting in one of the chairs we sat before he hypnotized me.  
Joshua's face was pale and his eyes seemed unfocused before he realized I had spoken and they found mine. 

“Is everything alright?”, I asked. “Did I answer all your questions?”  
The man nodded.  
“… And?”  
“You told me everything you knew about your rescue and your time in hell.”  
His voice wasn't calm any more, it was weak and barely more than a whisper. 

“Who rescued me?” I started getting impatient. “Were it demons?”  
Joshua shook his head.  
“Far worse than demons. I couldn't believe it at first when you said-… It isn't possible, I thought… Then you continued talking and…  
...Angels...”

Silence.  
My head was buried inside my hands. Angels? Did he really say angels?  
That wasn't possible. Angels and... and god, they didn't exist. They couldn't exist!  
Surely if there were those creatures, they would stop demons from possessing people and from killing and torturing? They would shut down hell and stop people from making deals with demons? 

“Joshua-”, I began to ask and looked up.  
The chair was empty.  
“Joshua!”  
I stood up and walked around the table.  
There he was, Joshua, on the ground, eyes staring at something that wasn't in this room.  
His chest was stained with blood which slowly flooded from the man's chest to the ground and into the carpet, turning it from white to red. 

It took me several seconds to make out the weapon that had killed him.  
There was a silver blade sticking right through Johua's heart that no longer beat.  
It were my shaking hands that pulled the blade out. It was nothing like I had ever seen. I've seen many knives but this… It was similar to a short sword, rather than a knife. 

“Dean Winchester.”  
I spun around. A man was standing in front of me, dressed in a suit and combing his black hair.  
“I think you got something that is mine.”, he said and pointed to the sword-knife.  
“Yours? So you killed him?”  
“He knew too much. Pity, if you hadn't visited him, he would still be alive.”  
The man grinned.  
“Who are you?” My eyebrows narrowed. How had he gotten inside here?  
“I'm here to keep my family safe.”  
“Meaning?”  
“I will kill everybody who knows too much about us. You were not supposed to even get a glimpse on our existence and now you and he know about us?” The man spit on the floor. “Sorry, that are two people too much. Now give me the blade.”  
“So you can murder me with it?”, I raised one eyebrow.  
“Deleting your memory isn't enough, apparently.”

The man put away his comb and walked towards me.  
He had an evil grin on his face.  
“Angels.”, I repeated what Joshua had said before he died.  
“See? You know too much about us.”  
“Funny. I always pictured angels in white, fluffy wings and with harps. Are all of you so boring?”  
“Be quiet, Winchester.”

He got closer and closer but I didn't want to back away. That would just make me seem scared of him. Angel my ass, he was a freaking demon or some damn creature.  
I blinked. The man was gone. I blinked again and he stood right in front of me, only inches between our faces.

“Look what I got here...”, he whispered.  
I looked down and saw something silver. He had gotten himself another sword.  
“Still so brave?”, he smirked.  
He did another step forwards and something cold pressed inside my stomach. The blade.  
Pain was shooting through my body and I felt something hot flooding down my stomach to my hips. 

“Brother.”, a deep voice said. It was steady but I could hear the anger and authority very clearly.  
The man turned away and the blade was removed. I breathed freely again, was glad to be able to put pressure on my bleeding stomach. 

“Castiel.”, the man said angry and my head shot upwards.  
Castiel? THE Castiel, the one who had rescued me?  
I looked at the new man, apparently Castiel and something inside my head told me I had already seen him.  
He, too, was dressed in a suit over which he had put a dirty trench coat. His dark hair was messy and building a beautiful contrast to those blue eyes…  
“What are you doing here, brother?”, Castiel asked. His hands were mostly hidden in the trench coat but I could see very clearly that his hands were formed to fists.  
“I was told to get rid of all humans knowing too much about our existence. Thanks to you.”  
Castiel nodded and looked straight at his brother, as he had called him.  
“Getting rid of their memories. Not of them.”

They were quiet. 

“We saw how that worked out, didn't we?”  
“Thank you, I will take care of the Winchester from now on.”  
“Like you did the last time.” The man who had killed Joshua laughed. “Sure.”  
“I made mistakes, I paid their price and I got punished. We have to forget those happenings and move on. I am responsible for this human, so please, brother, don't force me to pull you away.”  
“Like you could. The time where you were allowed to command me around is over, Castiel! You lost my respect when you put us all in danger!”  
“In danger?”, Castiel repeated quietly, flashing his teeth like a wild animal.  
“I saved Winchester from hell! If I had brought him back to his brother without healing him first, he would've died! Again!”  
The angel ran forwards, his blade high in the air. The space between him and Castiel grew smaller and smaller. Castiel just stood there and looked at his brother in pity.  
The next second, bright white light was shining through the room, Castiel had a similar blade in his hands and his brother sank to the ground.  
He was dead. 

Castiel stared at the body for a whole minute, maybe more, before his eyes looked up and saw me staring at him. His blade was running back inside his coat. 

“You are bleeding.”, Castiel simply said and walked in front of me. He lifted one hand and put it over my stomach. The wound closed itself and vanished, together with the blood and dirt.  
I opened my mouth, was unable to talk and closed it again. 

“I remember you...”, I whispered. My head filled with images and memories.  
“I remember everything. You are Castiel, you saved me!”  
The angel nodded.  
“You told me about your plans-”  
“Their plans. I have got nothing to do with making the plans and if I had I am fairly certain there would be many things changed. This is important”  
I laughed half-heartedly. I had liked this angel.  
“They got you, didn't they? They knew you told me.”  
Castiel's eyes focused on the two bodies on the floor and he nodded. 

“They were not happy with me. I had to-.. To pay the price anybody who rebels has to pay. Thankfully I had deleted your memory, even if only temporary. They believed me that I had deleted it forever and that you had no idea that you ever were inside heaven.”  
“So you were doing it on purpose? Deleting my memory? You planned it?”  
“I knew the risks and I knew that I had to buy time. I have to help you with this and it was fundamental for me that you know what you are going to face in the next few months.  
After all this is over, the angels can know that I rebelled. I don't fear death.”

I stared into these blue eyes.  
They were sad and Castiel looked like he had seen so much pain and sadness in his life…  
Then I remembered what he had told me when we were in heaven, how angels weren't allowed to feel 'pain' and any other emotion. It might sound strange, but I understood the angel. I probably wouldn't like being an angel, too. It sounded awful. 

“You can leave, go back to your brother. I will clean up here. See what I can do about your friend.”  
Castiel pointed at Joshua.  
“And we-”  
“We will stay in touch.”  
I nodded.  
“Dean. Be careful. He might not be the only angel hunting you. Take this with you, it can kill both, angels and demons.”, Castiel explained and gave me the silver blade that had killed Joshua.  
He put two fingers on my forehead and when I opened my eyes again, I was in the parking lot, standing in front of the Impala. At least the car was clean and hadn't been harmed.  
“Angels...”, I whispered unbelievingly.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first published fanfinction on this website and english is not my first language, so please don't be too harsh.


End file.
